2008 Woodie Awards
Vote Absentee
God, I Am So Prestigious
Andrea Saenz
Issue date: 1/19/06 Section: Opinion
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After four months at Harvard Law School and an embarrassing number of hours reading the can't-look-away train wreck of a message board at xoxohth.com, I have come to realize that there is only one true goal in life: to become prestigious. Really prestigious. When I walk into a room, I want people to say, "I heard she has a Scalia clerkship lined up 3 years in advance. I heard she bet her entire section $1000 she'd win the 2008 Fay Diploma and no one would take the bet. I hear she's the new litigation partner at Quinn."
In light of this, I am reorganizing my entire life. Gone are my public interest goals; public interest is highly unprestigious. I even asked Roger Pao if I could change my title to "Editor of Prestige," but he was huddled in the corner of the Record office writing a sonnet in the margins of a Fed Courts textbook, and I don't think he heard me. Public interest, and especially legal services, which I was sort of getting into, is the "third tier toilet" of legal goals; instead, I will stop at nothing to work at Wachtell or Cravath.
Remember that "I Was a Firm Widow" editorial I wrote? Now that I've guilted my husband into turning down his Vault 15 offer (specifying Vault ranges is prestigious), he'll be writing "I Was A Firm Widower" sob stories to the Record. Awesome. No, not "awesome." 180. Rating cool things by LSAT scores is more prestigious.
I start this quest by taking stock of my current level of prestige. It looks pretty solid. First, I'm at Harvard. Automatically more prestigious than everyone in the country except the 25 kids that make up Yale's entire student body, and you folks reading this. Good.
But I'm a minority! Oh no. People might think I'm an affirmative action admit. Affirmative action is unprestigious. If I were a legacy admit, I might be getting somewhere.
But I rocked the LSAT. Phew. Like I said, LSATs are prestigious. High GPAs and work ethics are for suckers. In the middle of both of my take-home exams, I took a break, ate some fruit cocktail, and played some Yahoo games. Text Twist is prestigious, am I right?
In light of this, I am reorganizing my entire life. Gone are my public interest goals; public interest is highly unprestigious. I even asked Roger Pao if I could change my title to "Editor of Prestige," but he was huddled in the corner of the Record office writing a sonnet in the margins of a Fed Courts textbook, and I don't think he heard me. Public interest, and especially legal services, which I was sort of getting into, is the "third tier toilet" of legal goals; instead, I will stop at nothing to work at Wachtell or Cravath.
Remember that "I Was a Firm Widow" editorial I wrote? Now that I've guilted my husband into turning down his Vault 15 offer (specifying Vault ranges is prestigious), he'll be writing "I Was A Firm Widower" sob stories to the Record. Awesome. No, not "awesome." 180. Rating cool things by LSAT scores is more prestigious.
I start this quest by taking stock of my current level of prestige. It looks pretty solid. First, I'm at Harvard. Automatically more prestigious than everyone in the country except the 25 kids that make up Yale's entire student body, and you folks reading this. Good.
But I'm a minority! Oh no. People might think I'm an affirmative action admit. Affirmative action is unprestigious. If I were a legacy admit, I might be getting somewhere.
But I rocked the LSAT. Phew. Like I said, LSATs are prestigious. High GPAs and work ethics are for suckers. In the middle of both of my take-home exams, I took a break, ate some fruit cocktail, and played some Yahoo games. Text Twist is prestigious, am I right?